Find out if you are Narcissist? or your partner is a Narcissist?
Life is a stage, and when the curtain falls upon an act, it is finished and forgotten. The emptiness of such a life is beyond imagination. — Alexander Lowen describing the existence of a Narcissist.
We are given birth for a purpose and the purpose is to live life to the fullest, with happiness and peace. One who understands this would try to lead a life to create memories for himself and for the people around him.
But when it comes to a narcissist person, his or her purpose of life is surrounded by oneself. The narcissist gets satisfaction only when his means get satisfied. This person will live in the world and behave well just like the other, but unless he gets his part of admiration and praised for his deeds he will never be satisfied and remains empty and alone.
Meaning of Narcissist :
In recent times, the word narcissist has grown more important, this is because of the trends the youth is engaging themselves in. According to the website of World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day (WNAAD), about 450 million people have a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
In past, where there were very few people with this disorder, today 1 in every 100 people is going through this disorder, because of the lifestyle and life expectation each one is having for themselves. And the sad part is that this disorder is usually misguided as ego.
A person is said to be a narcissist who has an excessive interest in admiration of himself or herself. A narcissist is usually self-centered and revolves around admiring oneself. The focus of a narcissist is on getting attention from the people around him or her.
For example, a normal person when he loses in a game will be broken or will feel sad about his failure and will be discouraged, whereas a narcissistic person when he or she fails will claim that it was not the ability of the other person to win, but it was his ability to make the other person win. He would claim that he wanted to see how the opposite person would react if he wins, so he took the decision to fail. But he will never praise the efforts of the opposite person.
It is important to understand that there lies a huge underlying difference between Egocentric and narcissist, which is not understood by a narcissist. The narcissist person would claim that it’s his self prestige for which he would not take anything for granted.
A narcissist usually terms himself as an egoistic person, as he does not come across the term narcissist or does not want to accept the fact of being a narcissist.
Origin of the term Narcissist :
The term narcissist was originated from Greek Mythology, where a young man named Narcissus fell in love with his own image reflected in a pool of water.
Unable to consummate his love, Narcissus lay gazing enraptured into the pool, hour after hour and finally changed into a flower that bears his name, the narcissus
In ancient Greece, the concept was understood as Hubris. It is only since the late 1800’s that narcissism has been defined in psychological terms.
Understanding what is Narcissist Personality Disorder:
Now that we understood the term narcissist, it is important to know that narcissism is a personality disorder that is not to be neglected. It requires to be handled in a professional manner by a psychiatrist to overcome this disorder.
Narcissist Personality Disorder (NPD) involves a pattern of self-centeredness, excess need for self-admiration, arrogant thinking, lack of empathy, and lack of consideration for other people.
The person with NPD finds it difficult in managing relationships, as he or she does not fulfill the other person’s expectations. The high expectations of a narcissist person revolve around itself are not well appreciated by the opposite person and ultimately result in a messed-up relationship.
For example, in a relationship of a husband and wife, wherein a husband is a narcissist, he usually has high expectations from his wife, is very demanding, and overlooks the desires and comforts of his wife. From his point of view, he loves his wife unconditionally and expects that it is enough for making his wife happy.
A narcissistic husband will not be able to understand the sacrifices and the pains that his wife does for him, whereas the daily routine activities that he does for his wife, he expects that his wife to be grateful about it.
The lack of empathy, respect, and understanding towards his wife usually ends up his wife unsatisfied and desireless.
Not understanding this, the relationship becomes one-sided and finally ends up on a bad note.
Traits of NPD :
- Having a sense of self-importance or grandiosity
- Experiencing fantasies about being influential, famous, and/or important
- Exaggerating their abilities, talents, and accomplishments
- Craving admiration and acknowledgment
- Being preoccupied with beauty, love, power, and/or success
- Having an exaggerated sense of being unique
- Believing that the world owes them something
- Exploiting others to get what they want (no matter how it impacts others)
- Lacking empathy toward others
Covert Narcissist :
A covert (introvert)narcissist is a person who craves admiration and importance as well as lacks empathy toward others but can act in a different way than an overt narcissist.
Researcher and author Craig Malkin, PhD suggests that the term “covert” can be misleading. In his work, he states that the term covert is often used to suggest that the covert narcissist is sneaky or that their strive for importance is not as significant as an overt (extroverted) narcissist. In fact, he reports, the traits of the overt narcissist and the covert narcissist are the same.
Traits of a covert (introvert) Narcissist :
Passive Self-Importance
Blaming and Shaming
Creating Confusion
Procrastination and Disregard
Emotionally Neglectful
Giving With a Goal.
Let’s discuss the signs and symptoms of narcissistic abuse and how should the person affected with narcissist abuse be treated.
Living with a narcissistic partner can lead to a condition known as narcissistic abuse syndrome, in which a person’s self-confidence and mental health are adversely affected.
A person living with a narcissist is usually unaware that they are living with a manipulative person, who is well trained to take advantage of their emotions whenever they need, and this is done in a very normal way by a narcissist.
Narcissist abuse victims will often end up with doubt about their own self-worth or sanity. They are usually very concerned about their flaws, failures, and other shortcomings — regardless of whether or not these issues are real.
For example: If you are the partner of a narcissist, you will often feel quiet, alone without understanding the reason why? Women being abused by narcissistic husbands end up being the loneliest person. The narcissist partner may be popular and loved in society, but in a private relationship, they may have a narcissistic personality. What’s more, like many victims of narcissistic abuse, you may not realize that the way you’re being treated is not okay. It can be hard to recognize the abuse and even harder to open up about it.
The only way to treat the abused person is to start thinking about self. No matter how close you are to the narcissist person, the abused have to start living for themselves and love themselves.
The abused will have to learn to take care of themselves as a priority and should not get affected by any means by the narcissist partner.
The abused has to make themselves emotionally and physically strong, that they can take a stand for themselves and regain their self-confidence.
Joining motivational classes and self-development classes or meditation will help a lot to overcome the effects of negativity that is hamper ring the abused to find themselves together.
Lastly, even it may seem next to impossible, if required, the abuser has to find ways to get rid of their narcissist partner and make a fresh beginning for their peaceful tomorrow.
Malignant Narcissist :
The DSM-IV-TR, a manual that mental health professionals use to diagnose mental disorders classifies Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) as a psychological personality disorder.
To distinguish it from healthy self-love, the term “malignant narcissism” has been coined for NPD. Don’t confuse NPD (malignant narcissism) with what people usually mean when they say someone is “narcissistic.”
The term Malignant narcissism is associated with deeply perverted self-love. A malignant narcissist doesn’t just crave just for his self-love but he demands others to love him the same way as well. And if the other person fails to do so,, he/she will invariably be subjected to emotional, mental, or even physical abuse.
A malignant narcissist will attempt to achieve those goals by any means. They will do everything to convince those in authority, challenge them, and attempt to even threaten them.
Malignant Narcissists can even cast themselves as victims, justifying all of their feelings and actions. They blame all of their shortcomings on perceived enemies.
Malignant narcissists are frequently suicidal. They are characteristically mentally and emotionally cruel towards others, and can resort to violence.
Serial bullies, serial adulterers, gold-diggers, pedophiliac priests, rapists, child molesters, terrorists, and serial killers are all examples of malignant narcissists.
They tend to view others as objects or tools, to further exploit their sense of entitlement.
Conclusion :
Though we are surrounded by a narcissistic person, it would be very difficult for us to identify the narcissist personality disorder. But once, we come to know or understand, that we are affected by such a person, it is advisable to treat or protect ourselves first than to overreact with a narcissistic person. The victim of a narcissist needs to keep themselves positive and engage themselves in a positive atmosphere to deal with a narcissist. And in the long run, it is advisable to space themselves from such person.
You can feel free to write me or reach me to get help in dealing with a narcissist.
Lakshmi Mishra.
A blogger and a Personal Development Mentor.
